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With a battle cry of “Up against the wall, male chauvinist pigs!” the 1970’s Marvel Comics super team of female fatales called the Lady Liberators represented a transition that society was demanding from its fantastic comic book world. No longer would the ladies of the four color world be used just as damsels in distress. With a roll call of gals such as the winsome Wasp, the mysterious Scarlet Witch, the lethal Black Widow, the Inhuman queen Medusa and the Viking girl, Valkyrie, who were the best and brightest of the buxom beauties of Marvel Comics. By the time they had arrived on the scene, the women’s age of comics had truly begun.

Up until the late sixties, women in comics, even the super powered ones like the Phantom Lady or Liberty Belle, were often only portrayed in positions of weakness. Thousands of panels and pages of ladies bound to train tracks or saw machines were created so the male superhero had someone to rescue. Every hero had a Lois Lane, a girl with great courage but not enough sensibilities to keep her out of danger. Even the heroines needed a ‘him’ to complete the picture, which is sad, considering that Wonder Woman found her way into the world’s imagination in 1941 and was in constant need of her non-powered paramour Steve Trevor to be there to save her.

With this being March and therefore, Women’s History month, it is a good time to stop and look at the great girls that have made it into icons in the medium of the superhero mythos. I have selected six super woman to present to you, the reader, as a way paying tribute to female furies of the funny books. They are superheroes and they are women. Hear them roar, see them soar.

I love women. I really, really do. The whole species of them. From every big butt to every flat chest, from all the cleavage in the world to every labium, from Sara Palin to Hillary Clinton, from Lilith to Eve. I love them all. With March being Women’s History month, I wanted to take some time to express to the world the unique filial I feel about the female creature. I wanted to write why we should look at women of the world and acknowledge the most brilliant thing ever said by Vanilla Ice: “word to your mother.”

The simple fact is that women are the mothers of man. That alone makes them more noble than any machismo laden act of daring performed by man. In the dawn of humanity we showed a much more spiritual reverence for the matron of our lives. We lived in caves and worshipped the earth mother who kept us warm and safe from the monsters outside. Back then, a woman’s wisdom meant something greater than we understand today. Back then, being blonde put you in the company of Aphrodite and Athena.

Now we live in the dying days of the patriarchy. For such a long time the world has been run by the thinking that although you saved the women and children first they were not as important as the man. Women have been disregarded and made to play the role of victim throughout literature and all of history. Though there have been the Joan of Arc and Jane Austen types, the last two thousand years have seen a bit of dark ages for the ladies of the world. It is sad really.

We still live in a world where half the folk think the other half are the weaker sex. We still live in a world of sex slavery and the cliteroctomy. Women, themselves, still believe everything they are told by a beauty industry that hates them. We should be living in a world where the woman is worshipped as the life giver that she is.

If I can get down to the crude science of it then I might suggest that the female of the species is the biologically superior creature when it comes to complex biological systems. It all comes down to number of holes. The simpler an organism, the less holes it has for things like respiration, digestion, excretion and reproduction. Simple life forms like the hydra have one hole which they do the whole shebang through. Earthworms have an entrance at one end and an exit at the other end. Males of the higher mammal order have a hole for eating and drinking, one hole for solid excretion and one hole that handles both liquid waste and reproductive materials. The female has all that and a separate tract for urination and reproduction. The female therefore is the more evolved and biologically complex organism.

Yes, I may be a man and many of my gender brethren may be calling me traitor right now, but it is time to cast off the foolish notion that boys are better than girls. It is time to say “word to you mother.” I know that if I were stranded on an island I would rather be surrounded by women than men. In fact I think that would be alright. So here is to the ladies. In the words of another great lover of the ladies “giggity, giggity goo!”

I love hot dogs. It is practically its own food group to me. Meat, bread and whatever goodness you throw on top of it. Why wouldn’t anyone love that?

One thing this town loves is a new eatery. If there is some place different to grab a bite of a new kind of grub then that is the place to be in old Joe Town. It is refreshing to see that after a bombardment of soulless chain restaurants multiplying across the belt highway a local small
business can still put out the best taste in new dining opportunities. It is great to know that at the corner of Patee street and 10th you can find the culinary delight of the Salsa Dog.

Photo | Dan Donan

“I retired from the post office almost two years ago now and I have owned the building for 18 years,” Wilson said.

“I let it sit vacant and rented it out and never knew what I was going to do with it,” Wilson said. “I never knew why I held on to it. I guess this is why. Through the Food Channel and food shows I tried to cipher from my knowledge what St. Joe had and didn’t have and what it needed and this is what I came up with.”

This is the kind of place that could save the economy. With six part-time employees it could grow into a chain to feed the city. Wilson is man with ideas and a vision of growth.

“I am looking at several options,” Wilson said. “Maybe expanding this building. I am also looking at some other locations on the belt or other high traffic areas.”

I suggested they come to the college.

If you are a quality consumer of the tube steak like I am, then you should know this is the kind of place you can go to get a classic Chicago Dog. Or I might suggest their latest creation. “The latest one we have come up with is called the Alamo Dog and I think it is by far the best hot dog we have,” Wilson said.

Tabby King, manager, has a different favorite. “I like the St. Joe Dog.” Wilson said.

“It has the homemade chili and the homemade salsa on it.”

King has been delighted by the reactions of their customers.

“They love it. I haven’t had one bad remark ever,” King said.

While I was last there I even disturbed random customers to get their opinion of what they had eaten. Turns out that Salsa Dog is already drawing customers on a regional level.

John McNally, an out-of-towner, made the drive north to try these delicious dogs. “We are from Kansas City,” McNally said.

“This is the first time we have been in here. We have a friend in lives in St. Joe and she recommended four places I had to eat here, and this place was one of them. I highly recommend the Alamo Dog.”

I even force-fed a few fellow employees at Plaza 8 just to spread the gospel of the greatness that is Salsa Dog. Justin Peacock, senior at Western, had a large dog with nacho cheese. “It was good!” Peacock said. “The actual hot dog was good. I see myself eating there again.”

Kenzie Hampton, Western freshman, had a small dog with nacho cheese. “It actually is really good and I normally don’t eat hot dogs,” Hampton said.

Brandon Hankins, Central High senior, consumed a large dog and some chips and cheese. “It was amazing. I love it,” Hankins said.

Western sophomore and fellow staff writer, Nick Merrill, actually ate the Alamo Dog and a side of baked beans. All he could say afterward was “Salsa Dog got me.”

With a growing client base we can hope that Salsa Dog is here to stay because the day of the dog has come. Already, Wilson knows they have impressed some names on the local market. “Johnson Control, St. Joe Distributing, Boehringer, those have been some of our major customers,” Wilson said. “They all have quite an order when they call and they appreciate us being able to come out there and deliver.”
That’s right. They deliver .

So what are you waiting for? Get some.

This is the future. It begins now. 2010 is the year when the future really began. The shock of living in a new century has worn off and now we realize that we are on the first building steps of the next one. The 21st century is not turning back now. This is the year that we get to choose the red or blue pill.

Last year around this time I tried to delve into various forms of media submersion and psychedelics in an attempt to try and tell what 2009 had in store for us. Wasn’t that far off, but I wasn’t right either.

For 2010, the year of the tiger, I will not be so haughty as to try and predict the immediate future. However, I will say that we are clearly in a time of change and choice, and the choices we make now will affect changes that will be tremendously felt further down the road. So this year I will predict the outcome of two paths that end in the year 2050. These are the paths of the far left and far right.

On one hand we have a path before us that runs to too far right. But where does it end? I am not certain where it ends; most likely in nuclear devastation when you consider how much firepower is out there. But here is where I see it taking us by 2050.

The great wall of America stands 100 feet tall and stretches across all of the southern border and most of the north. The National Citizens Registry tracks all its accounts through peoples’ headphones. There is no privacy anymore. In fact, the word privacy doesn’t even exist. There are little taxes but the national government provides no services outside of national defense. The military machine is mighty. The free market reigns over all and the human soul is traded like stocks and bonds. Anything you want can be bought but if you don’t have the cash, no one cares.

The road on the far left still passes the 2050 milepost and here is what I think that looks like; the one world union has stripped people of the idea of competition nationalism and fat people have been eliminated through years of a regimented eugenics program. The government takes care of your needs for sustenance and everyone has a place in the great machine. Bad words have been eliminated and so has free thought. People no longer think of themselves as individuals and work for the great hive mind. Conformity is the essence of life.

In both of these futures, one thing stands common: the rich get richer and the poor stay poor.

I say screw both the left and the right and blaze on forward into the center of the future.

I think it is time for us to look at the choices we have before us and realize that this bi-partisan bullshit is not working well. We are too big of a country now for just two ways of working. And no matter if we are ready or not, change is coming and the question has to ask if we as a people want to have our future set for us by two dueling cocks in the capitol.