I’m just out of a serious long term relationship as of August and have already started seeing another guy. Is it too soon to move on? -Sincerely, Confused
The best way to gauge whether this is too soon is to see if you have any reasons to feel guilty, but there is no reason to feel any guilt at all about seeing this other guy. This is the case for a couple of reasons. Let’s first look at guilt itself. Since we’re all going to die in the near future, there’s no need to feel bad about hurting an ex’s feelings since he, like you, will soon be nothing more than a decomposing pile of rotting ex-life.
The other point to keep in mind, if you are burdened by the unfortunate curse that is a mere mortal’s conscience, is that you’re only obligated to monogamy while in the confines of the relationship (setting aside Mormons and other enlightened sexual trailblazers). Since the relationship is over, which I’m sure is causing its fair share of pain, there is no reason to further the agony by denying yourself some casual encounters or less-than-casual encounters. It doesn’t matter. If your ex is that worried about whether or not you’re having sex, tell him should consider distracting himself by going out and having sex. A win-win-win-win (assuming the two other parties also enjoy themselves).
At the end of the day, you need not worry about whether you hurt this guy’s feelings since that is no longer your problem to deal with. Any responsibility that you feel about this is all self-produced. And if he is saying anything at all about it, he’s the asshole.
The more astute among you will likely notice that this line of reasoning implies that nothing is deserving of guilt. This is the secret to happiness: the existential wisdom of the average sociopath.