My boyfriend keeps talking to me about what he wants to do to me, but hasn’t gone for more than a kiss. Is he for real or just playing me? I want to know if I need to make the first move or not. -Daring Dreams
Dear Daring Dreams,
Sexual chemistry is one of the few redeeming qualities involved in sacrificing your individuality and hopes of accomplishing goals by entering into a romantic relationship. After all, the only difference between a friend with benefits and a boyfriend is exclusivity and the cost of gifts. As such, you would be completely justified in considering this a matter of critical importance. You deserve a return on your investment. You deserve the return on your investment.
In short, my answer is that it seems very likely that your boyfriend is interested in becoming more physically engaged than kissing. If he’s willing to put up with frivolous niceties like remembering anniversaries, pretending to care about your parents or your cat, he’s surely willing to have sex with you. So, if that is your concern, I would not worry about that.
Now, in terms of who should make a move, that’s going to come down to who is first willing to get past their paralyzing insecurity and fear of being irreparably alone in this blinding chaos warp that is the universe. Both of you want the same thing- to be sedated by serotonin and to escape from your impending oblivion and eminent insignificance by getting lost in each other’s empty words of appreciating and sexual satisfaction. That’s relationship bread and butter. My recommendation is that you just go ahead and make a move. He will be just as thrilled that you’re taking initiative as you would be if he does the same the next time you find yourselves kissing. Sex is unique in that it is fun and good for you. Plus if you make the first move, you’ll be able to reserve the right to mock him for being weak-willed, which is also good for you and fun.