You’re being a horrible boyfriend and here’s why

Opinion

Okay. Maybe that’s a little harsh. It isn’t fair to just call out men on this one. And I’m definitely not talking about one person in particular, in case you were hoping for some awkward drama. But now that I have your attention, what I’m trying to say is that if you’re in a relationship right now, the harsh reality is you could be doing better. Or at least you should want to do better.

Before you get offended, hear me out. If you have a girlfriend but are constantly hitting on a coworker, it’s time to reevaluate. Balancing relationships can be difficult and there are different limits for every relationship depending on your personality and your partner’s. Because of this, it’s important for all parties involved to know where to draw the line. And no matter how easy going you or your significant other are, there’s always a line.

The best thing you can do for yourself and others is to set clear boundaries and stick to them, even when it totally sucks. If there’s a particular guy at school you enjoy talking to, that’s more than fair. If you found yourself becoming more and more attracted to him but don’t want to sacrifice your current relationship, it can be tricky.

It’s a perfect example of “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”…or something like that.

Whenever you find yourself attracted to multiple people, its ironically disheartening, but not altogether impossible to manage. It’s all about boundaries. Perhaps make a boundary where you don’t message him on Facebook or one where you don’t give her your phone number. For your own sanity, unless this is an old friend, definitely make a boundary where you don’t hang out with this person alone. It may seem prudish or unnecessary, but you have to think “would I be comfortable if I knew my significant other was doing this?” Spoiler: if you get to the point where you have to ask that question, the answer is almost always going to be no.

If you’re happy in your current relationship, but find yourself attracted to someone else, that doesn’t make you a horrible person. It doesn’t necessarily even mean your current relationship has any problems. Too often, I’ve thrown away great relationships because of assumptions I made based on my feelings towards a new person.

It’s a fair argument to suggest that we can’t help who we’re attracted to, but we can choose how we proceed to act on those feelings. There are so many levels of relationships that can exist between people, but unless you’re a polygamist or embrace polyamory, only one person at a time can hold the title of significant other. Assuming you’re attracted to that person and what to keep them around, they deserve to be treated as wonderfully as possible.