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The Meet Market takes a dark turn

I’m in a relationship and usually enjoy sex, but after being with my partner for awhile he’s opened up about his sexual fetish. It’s not something I enjoy doing (he likes to get peed on– and worse) but I know it makes him happy. Should I tell him or should I continue because I can stand it? Best, Disgusted.

Dear Disgusted,

Humans tend to get bored easily in most aspects of their aimless and mundane existences. Many people turn to making art or exploring nature. Other people ask their significant others to defecate on them for sexual pleasure. While this certainly leaves me backed up with a number of follow-up questions that I will not get into here, the act itself is not necessarily reprehensible, just fascinatingly weird. Like every situation, you have options due to the fact that all of the options are ultimately inconsequential.

From your name, it seems safe to assume that while you can stand to do this, you certainly aren’t eager to it. This is problematic because you usually enjoy sex, as you should. It is a nice reciprocal to the normal feeling of pain, emptiness and sorrow that you become accustomed to in your day-to-day droning. You shouldn’t be replacing something that you enjoy with something that you don’t simply to appease someone else’s fecal fascinations. Considering this, you should absolutely make it clear that you don’t need him to be standing in for your plumbing. At the very least, you should invest in some cleaning supplies unless he also has an E. coli fetish (if that’s the case, then this person is a hazard to your health and you should leave out of self-preservation).

Once you do this, he’ll either relent and be understanding or he’ll have a crappy attitude and continue showering you with reasons why this is the warm steaming thing that you need to bring you closer together. If this is the case, then you have to realize that this is clearly not the person who is going to keep you pacified as you await death. You have an incomprehensibly limited amount of time where you get to enjoy sex- or anything else- so you might as well make it a person who doesn’t substitute porn for bathroom trips. Dump him, not on him.

Love,

Caleb

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