“Supersize me,” said my middle finger
By Andy Garrison
October 4, 2013
In recent news, I can’t help but notice the outcry from, mostly, the fast food workers over the living wage.
I really was just going to let it go, watch it fall off the radar as just some goofy blip of a trend.
Quickly disappearing like a fart in a summer breeze.
However, a recent trip to a fast food chain, I will reference here as sharing a name with a particular old farmer in a popular children’s song, changed all of that.
Let me begin with saying that if you can’t understand the words “no onions, I’m allergic,” I’m surprised they don’t just pay you in shiny beads and bits of twigs in the first place.
Sit down and make a list that says, I deserve $15 dollars an hour because of the following skills:
If that list doesn’t include the following, than calm down, I’m not talking to you.
- A strong command of the word “yo”.
- Constant use of the acronym, yolo.
- You can ride a mean wheelie on your way to work.
- You’re really good at Call of Duty and are over 30.
- You have a framed copy of your GED.
- You haz skills.
- You’re really good in bed, as defined by you.
- You wear anything “Tapout” but learned all your martial art skills from Bruce Lee movies.
- You have ever said, “I am Batman!”
- Tried to talk like Christian Bale.
- Enjoy a good twerking video.
- You practice Parkour or Free Running.
- You use Mylee Cyrus as a role model.
- You have ever bedazzled anything, ever.
- You think you have a strong gang affiliation, but live in St. Joe.
I don’t know where this entitlement craze is coming from, but if you can’t understand the complex mechanics behind a cheeseburger minus one thing, don’t worry about things like the living wage, go practice at life.
I realize that the minimum wage, as a living wage, is probably too low. But, until you can pay attention at $7.35 an hour, I truly doubt you will do any better at $15.