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Where’s the Gold: Fool’s gold

Discover gold.

It’s the slogan of our wonderful university. this place where Griffons stomp the yard and non-trads roll around with their backpacks, the place that every other university laughs at. “Haha, open enrollment!” Don’t get me wrong, I love this school. But it’s not what I was promised. And that’s what this column is about.

My junior year of high school I was determined to attend Mizzou. I was told by counselors that it was the premier journalism school in the midwest. “And it’s a great college experience.” College experience is just a fool’s gold universities use to attract, well, fools. Mizzou has a rock climbing wall and they used to have tanning beds in their rec center. I’ve been told of (and seen first hand) the underground party scene of Truman State University. It’s all glitter on the biggest turd ever crapped out.

But more often, I see fools on this campus buying fool’s gold. This university no longer values education, but instead the “college experience.” We have an online remedial math program but we have six different greek organizations (and a rock to honor them). We have increasing class sizes but we also have exquisite overpriced coffee in half our academic buildings. We have three counselors to help students transverse growing up but we have nine armed officers hired by Western.

This column is about priorities. It’s time someone answer for all the things wrong with this place. All the things I was told were supposed to prove that Western is gold and all the other universities are just expensive hogwash. I want my gold and if I can’t get it, I’m going to make sure that the freshmen this year get theirs in four years.

This isn’t journalism, at least not like you’ve seen it before. I’m biased; I have an agenda. There will be no apologies for my disillusionment of your fantasies. If it takes me removing the mascot’s mask to make people realize the truth, then that’s what I’ll do.

Some of you will see this as an affront to something you hold precious. I don’t blame you. Western is a magical place. It has some great qualities that other universities don’t have. I’ll leave that pandering up to our Public Relations department.

More importantly, I want to be clear, this isn’t a soap box. I don’t plan on standing on top of a high moral podium lecturing to students who have already been lectured enough. This is a funnel. Who know the illusions of Western better than me; you. As students, you should be willing to join with me in this metaphorical “pitchfork and torch” march of of truth.

Cause we’re not after Frankenstein’s monster, we’re after Frankenstein.

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