Mandatory blow-hole control

By Andy Garrison

February 13, 2013

Chivalry is dead, and it’s buried next to courtesy and common sense. We all have to share the campus and classrooms at Western so it only makes sense that we treat each other and the faculty with respect; sadly, that trend seems to be fading quickly. One of the major things that I see more frequently is what I will name “the idiot parade.” The idiot parade is that group of four or five that walks shoulder to shoulder along the sidewalk; refusing to collapse their group when students are coming in the opposite direction; forcing them off of the edge and into the mud and grass to go around them. There is no reason to go skipping hand-in-hand down the damn sidewalk like it’s The Wizard of Oz or something; there is plenty of room for everyone. The second thing I will highlight is what I will call “auditory molestation.” These are the people that sit at the back of a classroom and talk just loud enough to damage my calm but not quite loud enough for the instructor to hear them. If they had something that interesting to say, Western would pay them to stand up in front of everyone and talk instead of the professor. Maintaining control over the auditory blow-hole is an important life-skill, please master it. Equally as annoying and disruptive are what I will call the “finger beaters.” The finger beaters are the students who won’t stop texting in class to save their life. It is not very conducive to the learning process for everyone else if every five seconds the professor has to pause the class to tell someone for the twentieth time to put their phone away. I think if some of these people were to burst spontaneously into flame they wouldn’t even notice they were burning alive and would continue to feverishly pound characters into melting keyboards with the remnants of their flaming finger-nubs until they fell over. The last group I will mention I will call “the people who work really hard to make sure they will never get laid.” More and more around campus when I hold the door open for a female student who has her hands full I hear “Oh thank you! Usually people just slam the door in my face!” In this scenario it was a female student but I have seen it happen to male students as well. If that’s the attitude someone has towards other people, especially when it’s a person of the opposite sex, it’s probably for the better that they are saving their hand and arm strength by not holding that door open for five more seconds because they will be needing that energy in their solo performances later on. All I am saying is that it’s hard enough out there without all the rudeness and lack of respect for others. All people accomplish by acting that way is to look like an ass-hat to everyone around them. Do yourself a favor and don’t look like an ass-hat.