The Griffon News

There are over six billion of us dirty, sweaty, greedy creatures running rampant on this beautiful blue ball we call our home.

By A.D. 2025 there should be close to eight billion breathing people sucking up all this good air that we insist on filling with tail­pipe toxins and prehistoric animals.

With the geniuses of the marketing world operating by the proverb “Sex Sells,” and masses of viewers and consumers about to pullut­ate their apocalyptic agen­da of the bottom line, we might be able to surprise the analysts and chorus line and kick those baby-mak­ing numbers up to give us a standing room only perfor­mance of another billion by mid-March.

Unless, of course, we realize how insane our go forth and be plentiful breeder policy really is.

We could just slow down the swing for a few decades for homeo­stasis.

Here is how:switch the responsibility of birth control to the men. We start giving all boys reaching sexual maturity a reversible vasectomy. When the time comes that the young and strap­ping lad wants the respon­sibility of child rearing, he takes a test. If he passes, he has the operation reversed and can get back to kicking up her heels for more than fornications sake.

The doctors could even give him a virility shot as he goes out the door to ensure some good loving in the name of the great baby making imperative that guides us.

Think about it. In America, you have to take a test to drive. Believe me, a baby in the hands of the wrong parents can do a lot more damage than an idiot behind a wheel. Which is a pretty bold statement when you consider how many people die on our highways every year. So you have to take a test to drive, get a license to fish or hunt or take advantage of the sec­ond amendment. Now, any stain in the gene pool can spew their seed all about the fertile landscape. I hope all your daughters decide to couple with club-footed hunchbacks.

Besides if we flip the birth control issue to men, we eliminate biological clocks running the show with some overwhelming hor­mones and a drive to win daddy’s love. 

We could complete­ly restructure a broken national childcare system by making the father more directly responsible for fly­ing sperm.

Maybe, if the guy could not legally abandon his kids so easily, men might realize how much they need their women around and would start treating them better.

Abortion would become a thing of the past, only hauled out when it was needed for true medi­cal emergencies.

But the way we do things now is good too.

We all should have lots and lots of little savages running about.

That way when the war on whatever noun we are pursuing has gone on for another generation, our politicians will be sup­plied with another body of fodder to fling at foreign concepts that frighten us.

That way seems much better than mine.