Drugs in sports? Why not!

Opinion Sports

Amidst the cacophony of controversy concerning sports and drugs comes a curve-ball from left field. With everyone worried about how fair it is for professional athletes to cheat by using performance enhancing drugs, consider a bold new path. Make drugs a mandatory part of the game. Every athlete on drugs opens the doors to a realm of Olympics worthy of the gods of Olympus. Mythic athleticism would truly begin. Then we would see some serious sports.

Imagine a football game played by guys from Minnesota, that have been chemically stoked into a Methamphetamine induced berserker fury worthy of real Vikings facing off against men from New York, who have been weaned on cocktails of HGH and steroids since puberty making themselves virtual giants. The drugs have been called performance enhancing like that is a bad thing. People upgrade their computers, cars, and entertainment systems at premium prices seeking enhanced performance. Why do people think sports are any different? Because it gives an unfair advantage?

Concerning the question of fairness, it is plain to see that if drug use were mandatory then it would level the playing field fairly well. Despite our high ideals of equality amongst man, people are not all equal. Some guys can jump like Jordan.

Some guys are tall, really tall, circus tall, like Yao. Some guys are just too pretty like Ali. Mankind was not created equally when it comes to performance. So lets dope up the guys that don’t have the advantage and call it equal.

If the guys are willing to play the enhancement game then let it be their choice and the rest of us can kick back in our lazy boys and watch a baseball season with 120 home runs. The anti-doping czar and bearer of a most unfortunate name, Dick Pound can whine all he wants about fairness. Life isn’t fair, anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something.

However with simple strict regiment of performance enhancing drugs personalized to each athlete, the inequalities could be evened out just a tad all the while raising the quality of the games we love to watch.

So give us give us the good stuff. Give us boxing matches with the fighters fueled by PCP and Andro so they beat each other mercilessly pushing past the point break of human endurance. Give us basketball with men who can sky walk from the center and play all four quarters. Give us a marathon from the top of Canada to the bottom of the world. Give us enhanced performance and maybe it will be worth the enhanced prices that spectators pay at the gate.

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