The Griffon News

Missouri Western’s prize patrol vehicle is shaking up the world!

We’ve all seen it, sitting in front of the student union playing the fight song repeatedly. It’s such a beautiful thing with all the athlete’s pictures on the yellow exterior. Let’s admit it. If it weren’t for the prize patrol’s encouragement, our athletic programs would not be what they are today.

The prize patrol is in danger of losing its name though.

Publishers clearing house is feeling violated and threatened by the pride of Missouri Western: the prize patrol.

They want us to change the name or be sued. Everyone has seen Publishers Clearing House give away the big check during the Super Bowl. Give me a break. That is nothing compared to Western’s prize patrol.

Just because they had the name first, doesn’t mean much when you look at the notoriety Western’s prize patrol has received. Well, it must have gained some since Publisher’s Clearing House is so upset about their name being used right? I know our vehicle is a wonderful sight to look at and maybe that is what they are so upset about. It even plays the fight song A LOT, and that’s something that would make any organization jealous.

Now let’s look at reality.

Publisher’s Clearing House is nationally known for giving the prize to people during the Super Bowl. Missouri Western is known by people in Northwest Missouri. We have a gaudy, yellow car that doesn’t give many prizes away and plays the beloved fight song until people can’t take it anymore. So, because it is called the prize patrol we have to change the name or be sued.

That leaves one question: Why the hell do they care?!?!?

The fact that anyone knows what the prize patrol is outside of our campus is hilarious.

To add to the laughter, the nationally famous prize patrol wants to sue a small university in Missouri for using their name. If they wanted us to panic, they failed big time. All they did was give us a good laugh and an article in our campus newspaper, making them look like idiots.

Therefore, I think I speak for every student and staff member here by saying thank you to Publisher’s Clearing House for giving us all some humorous enjoyment.

The prize patrol will probably have to change their name now. However, in response, I want to speak with the words of Mel Gibson in Braveheart by saying they may take our name, but they will never take our PRIZE PATROL! Well, I hope Mel Gibson doesn’t sue now.